| Righteousness to Parents - Birr 'alaa al-Waalidayn |
| PRODUCED BY: Al-Muflihoon.Com Allaah says : "And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents." [1] "And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your parents."[2] The obligation of being kind & dutiful : Narrated 'Abdullaah bin Mas'ud(radhiyAllaahu 'anhu): I asked Allaah's Apostle (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam), "O Allaah's Apostle! What is the best deed?" He replied : "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, what is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allaah's Cause."I did not ask Allaah's Apostle (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) anymore and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more. [3] Performance of Salaah at the stated time means its performance in earliest prescribed or at least its regularity. One should not give preference to mundane affairs over it. Salaah and Jihaad are the two most meritorious duties of a Muslim. When nice treatment to parents is mentioned along with Salaah and Jihaad, it gives further importance to this injunction. [-] "And (remember) when We took a covenant from the children of Israel, saying: 'Worship none but Allaah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents and to kindred, and to orphans and al-Masakin (the poor)."[4] Ibn Katheer (rahimahullaah) commented on the meaning of this verse, "Allaah has commanded the Children of Israael to worship Him Alone and shun associating anyone or anything in His worship. This He has commanded all His creation, as well, and this is why He created them. Verily, the highest and greatest right, is Allaah's Right that none except Him is worshipped. After that comes the rights of creation, especially and most importantly, the right of the parents. For instance, Allaah said: "Give thanks to Me and to your parents." [5] Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`Aas (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported : A man came to the Prophet of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) and said, "I swear allegiance to you for emigration and Jihaad, seeking reward from Allaah.'' He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "Is any of your parents alive?'' He said, "Yes, both of them are alive.'' He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) then asked, "Do you want to seek reward from Allaah?'' He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "Go back to your parents and give them benevolent treatment [keep good company with them]." [6] In another narration it is reported that a person came to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) and sought his permission to participate in Jihaad. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) asked , "Are your parents alive?'' He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "You should put in your best efforts (in their) service .'' [7] Under normal circumstances, Jihaad is Fardh Kifaayah (a collective duty -- which means that if some people observe it, the rest of the Muslims will be exempted from its obligation). In such circumstances permission of parents to participate in Jihaad is necessary because their service is Fardh-ul-`ayn (an individual duty -- an injunction or ordinance, the obligation of which extends to every Muslim in person), and the former cannot be preferred to the latter. This Hadeeth explains such a situation. In certain circumstances, however, Jihaad becomes Fardh-ul-`ayn and in that case permission of the parents to take part in Jihaad is not essential because then every Muslim is duty-bound to take part in it. [-] Ibn 'Abbaas (radhiyallaahu 'anhum) said: "There are three verses that are tied to three things, and they are inseparable." He mentioned among them the verse, "give thanks to Me and to your parents." [Soorah Luqman (31): 14] And he commented: "Whoever thanked Allaah, but did not appreciate his parents, then (his thanking Allaah) would not be accepted from him. This is as the Prophet (sallaAllaahu ?alayhi wa-sallam) said : 'The Lord is pleased with the pleasing of the parents, and the Lord is angry with him who angers the parents." [8] The Obligation of Being Kind Even If The Parents are not Muslims : Asmaa bint Abee Bakr As-Siddiq (radhiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam), "My mother, who is ill-disposed to Islaam, has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her?'' He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) replied, " Yes, maintain relations with your mother." [9] The woman mentioned in this Hadeeth had come from Makkah to Al-Madeenah. What this Hadeeth signifies is that it is essential to be kind to parents even if they are Mushrikoon (polytheists) and Kuffaar (disbelievers). This has also been clearly ordained in the Noble Qur'aan: "... but behave with them in the world kindly". (31:15). [-] Obligation of being kind BUT NOT TO obey them in sinning : "And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do." [10] Mus'ab b. Sa'd reported on the authority of his father (Sa'd ibn Abee Waqqaas) that many verses of the Qur'aan had been revealed in connection with him. His mother Umm Sa'd had taken an oath that she would never talk with him until he abandoned his faith and she neither ate nor drank and said: Allaah has commanded you to treat well your parents and I am your mother and I command you to do this. She passed three days in this state until she fainted because of extreme hunger and at that time her son whose name was Umara stood up and served her drink and she began to curse Sa'd. Allaah, the Exalted and Glorious, then revealed these verses of the Holy Qur'an:" "And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them" AND "But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly. " [11] Imaam Ibn Katheer (rahimahullaah) writes in the Tafseer of the above verse: " it means, if they try hard to make you follow them in their (false) religion, then do not accept that from them, but do not let that stop you from behaving towards them with respect." These verses are further explained by the authentic Ahaadeeth : " There shall be no obedience to a creature of Allaah when it would involve disobeying or displeasing Allaah." [12] He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) also said : " Obedience is only in what is good." [13] But THE OBLIGATION OF ".but behave with them in the world kindly." IS ALWAYS THERE. No DISOBEDIENCE: "And your Rabb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rabb! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young". [14] Narrated Anas (radhiyallaahu 'anhu): The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) was asked about the great sins. He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "They are :-- (1) To join others in worship with Allaah, (2) To be undutiful to one's parents. (3) To kill a person (which Allaah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murdering). (4) And to give a false witness." [15] Abu Bakrah Nufai` bin Al-Haarith (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported: The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the major sins?'' The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) asked this question three times. We said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allaah. (Please inform us.)". He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said : "Ascribing partners to Allaah, and to be undutiful to your parents". The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) sat up from his reclining position and said, "And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged statement and a false testimony". The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) kept on repeating that warning till we wished he would stop. [16] This Hadeeth mentions some of the major sins. A major sin is one against which there is a serious warning in the Noble Qur'aan and Hadeeth. When disobedience to parents is mentioned along with Shirk (polytheism), it makes the fact evident that both of these are very serious sins. Similar is the case of telling a lie and false testimony, which in the incident mentioned in this Hadeeth made the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) to leave his pillow and sit attentively. It indicates that the latter two are serious. May Allaah protect all Muslims from all such sins. [-] Narrated 'Abdullaah bin 'Amr (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) : A bedouin came to the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) and said, "O Allaah's Apostle! What are the biggest sins?: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "To join others in worship with Allaah." The bedouin said, "What is next?" The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "To be undutiful to one's parents." The bedouin said "What is next?" The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said "To take an oath 'Al-Ghamus." The bedouin said, "What is an oath 'Al-Ghamus'?" The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "The false oath through which one deprives a Muslim of his property (unjustly)." [17] There are many more major sins which have been enlisted and discussed at length by Muhaddathoon in independent volumes, such as Az-Zawajir `an iqtraf-al-Kabaa'ir, Kitaab-al-Kabaa'ir by Adh-Dhahabee. This Hadeeth mentions some of the major sins enumerated by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) on a particular occasion. We can also say that the sins mentioned here are some of the most serious among the major sins. [-] `Abdullaah bin `Amr bin Al-`Aas (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported: The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said : "It is one of the gravest sins to abuse one's parents.'' It was asked (by the people): "O Messenger of Allaah, can a man abuse his own parents?'' The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "He abuses the father of somebody who, in return, abuses the former's father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who, in return, abuses his mother". [18] Another narration is: The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "One of the major sins is to curse one's parents". It was submitted: "O Messenger of Allaah! How can a man curse his own parents?'' He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "When someone curses the parents of another man who in return abuses the former's father; and when someone abuses the mother of another man who in return abuses his (the formers) mother.'' [19] We learn from this Hadeeth that one should not abuse anyone's parents, because in the event, he is paid in the same coin, he will be responsible for disgracing his own parents. [-] Abu 'Eesaa Al-Mughe erah bin Shu`bah (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said, "Allaah has forbidden you: disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And Allaah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth." [20] Abud-Dardaa' (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported: A man came to me and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce". I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) saying, "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.'' [21] The word "Waalid'' applies to mother as well as father. As for the word "Waalidayn'' it is a dual form and covers mother and father both; similarly the noun "father'' also applies to both. This Hadeeth also stresses that obedience of parents and submission to their order must have preference over the love for the wife as long as this order of theirs is fair and just. [-] Ibn `Umar (radhiyallaahu 'anhum) reported: I had a wife whom I loved but `Umar (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, `Umar (May Allaah be pleased with him) went to the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) and mentioned the matter to him. Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) asked me to divorce her. [22] Additional Text: "Obey your father and divorce her.." [23] If parents' order to divorce one's wife is based on the principles of Sharee`ah and morality, it must be obeyed, as is evident from this Hadeeth. If their order is founded on other factors, then one should try to convince them politely so that they agree with one's view on the issue. Here Ibn `Umar (radhiyallaahu 'anhum) loved his wife for love's sake, but his father `Umar bin al-Khattaab (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) disliked him basing his decision on non-religious grounds. This is why the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) ordered Ibn `Umar to obey his father (radhiyallaahu 'anhum). [-] Repercussions Of Disobedience : Abu Hurayrah (radhiyallaahu 'anhu) reported: The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said : "May he be ragham i.e be humbled into dust [disgraced] ! May he [be humbled into dust] be disgraced! May he be humbled into dust [be disgraced], whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)." [24] The word "Ragham'' means soil. When a person's nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allaah by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well as a prediction of someone's inauspicious end. Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old. But this Hadeeth mentions their old age for the reason that in that period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves Hell-fire. [-] He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said : "The Lord is pleased with the pleasing of the parents, and the Lord is angry with him who angers the parents." [25] Abu Tufayl reported: We said to 'Alee ibn Abee Taalib (radhiyallaahu 'anhu): Inform us about something which Allaah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) told you in secret, whereupon he said: He told me nothing in secret which he bid from people, but I heard him say : "Allaah cursed him who sacrificed for anyone besides Allaah; and cursed him who accommodated an innovator; and Allaah cursed him who cursed his parents; and Allaah cursed him who changed the boundary lines(of the land possessed by him)." [26] This explicitly indicates that if one was to make his/her parents angry because of being sinful and unkind : then subsequently the anger of Allaah is earned . And who can stand the anger and torment of Allaah? We seek refuge in Allaah from His anger. The Excellence of Obedience : The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said : "There are three types of supplications that will not be rejected (by Allaah); the supplication of the parent with regard to his offspring, the supplication of a fasting person, and the supplication of a traveler." [27] He (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said : "The Lord is pleased with the pleasing of the parents, and the Lord is angry with him who angers the parents." [28] The parents who are pleased with their child because of the kindness , good treatment and respect they get from their child ; will always supplicate for goodness and this might be the cause for eternal bliss of that dutiful child (in this world and in the hereafter). The Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said : "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.'' [29] And he (sallallaahu 'alayhi wa-sallam) said : "The parent is the centre most of the gates of Paradise." [30] A Final Admonition : And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small." [31] " My Lord! Forgive me , and my parents ? [32] And our last message is : alhamdulillahi rabbil 'aalameen. Footnotes: |
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